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Shame Sheet. Your Most Embarrassing Moments on Display: Polar Vortex Edition

It's official, the polar vortex has returned with vengeance! I've been told dozens of times what the polar vortex is, why it is happening and how many times it will comes back yet somehow I remain none the wiser. The only thing you need to know is that it is happening and it really sucks because it seems to causes us to all become terrible people. Besides the obligatory abandonment of any remaining piece of a social life and fashion sense, we also all seem to be a lot angrier. Since the best medicine is laughter, maybe reading some embarrassing moments will lighten the mood of the season.
I'm not sure if it is because I grew up on a farm or the fact that I wore sweat pants exclusively for the first 13 years of my life, but I have a penchant for wearing long johns for upwards of six months a year. The problem is that with the growing popularity of slim-fit jeans, I've had to plump for more tights-like long johns to keep them tucked comfortably in my pants. While trying on new jeans at an undisclosed location, I took off my long johns and proceeded to leave the change room without them. I was well into the mall when I was chased down by a woman screaming "Sir! You forgot your stockings!"


When there is this much ice a bound, it is hard to judge when you need to pixie step and when you can strut like normal. "Alana" always believed that the best was to avoid going down was to aim high, letting the people ahead of her blazing the trail figure out where the slippery bits were and then learn from their mistakes. Upon noticing several people hit the concrete on a patch on the sidewalk ahead of her, she decided to cross the street. As is common with J-walking, a certain degree of haste is needed, but while dashing across the street "Alana" found her own ice patch; sliding from the centre of the road and landing face first into an icy puddle in the gutter.  

The D-Bag

There is a fine line between sharing your excitement for a winter getaway and being a complete d-bag about it and "Bryan" was the latter. Not a day went by when he didn't remind everyone with ears that he was leaving all this cold weather behind for a seven day cruise in the Caribbean. Unfortunately due to the frigid weather and massive delays at Pearson, "Bryan’s” flight was delayed by four days and he lost his non-refundable ticket for the cruise. When he turned to Facebook for sympathy, as you do, he was met with legions of friends who were glad Karma was a real thing.

The Snot Bubble

Men with facial hair have a whole other level of grooming to worry about in the winter. Due to the fact that their upper lip is covered with thick, wirey hair, they seem to be completely unaware when their nose is leaking. Now cold weather makes lazy jerks out of the best of us, but "Lukas" was in a particularly gross funk. One day while conducting some routine snooping in his coworker’s desks he found a betting sheet for how long it would take before "Lukas" realized he had an ever-growing wad of snot in his beard. He ran to the bathroom and sure enough the better half of his mustache and beard were covered in mucuse. "Lukas" later found out it had been there for well over a week and many had lost money because they underestimated how gross he really was.

If you want to submit your embarrassing story, get in contact with us at editing@dose.ca