Rosie Momentarily Loosens Chokehold on Elisabeth to Announce Resignation

April 25, 2007

The View’s newfound popularity bubble is about to burst: Rosie O'Donnell, who single-handedly resuscitated the daytime gabfest, announced on today's (April 25) show that she will not be returning as co-host next season.

Citing a breakdown in contract negotiations (ABC demanded a three year commitment, but she was only willing to sign on for one), and her desire to spend more time with her family, O'Donnell ensured the audience her decision to leave had nothing to do with the rumoured infighting caused by her daily eating-up and spitting-out of neo-conservative co-host, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

"It's not sad," said O'Donnell during the announcement. "I've loved it here and I love you guys. I'm not going away. I'm just not going to be here everyday."

Always the bigger person, Donald Trump immediately followed the announcement by telling Fox News, "Rosie's a loser, she continues to be a loser, and she was fired by ABC, and I’m proud to say that I probably had a part in it."

The outspoken comedian insists she was not fired, and promised to return to the show as a frequent guest and host of one-hour View specials.

Somewhere out there, Star Jones is cackling manically and making sure her answering machine has plenty of space to capture a message from Barbara Walters, pleading for her to return. Don't hold your breath, babe.

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