Psst…Tom Cruise. Your crazy is showing!

A Scientology video, reportedly used for recruiting purposes, has been leaked on the Web and it's proving the creepiest, oddest way to waste nine minutes of your thetan-plagued life.

The clip, reportedly shot a few years ago, features Cruise extolling the virtues of his "religion" while oscillating between animated, playful, and disturbingly serious.

"I won't hesitate to put ethics into someone else," he intones gravely during one of the video's more sober segments. "Because I put it ruthlessly in on myself."

Cruise attempts to convince potential candidates to drink the Kool-Aid by depicting Scientologists as the saviors of humanity.

"Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else," he gushes. "As you drive past, you know you have to do something...because you know you're the only one that can really help."

Cruise cites Scientology-backed programs and literature as proof of the organization's benefits, saying, "We are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind. We are the authorities on improving conditions. Criminon: we can rehabilitate criminals. Way to Happiness: we can bring peace and unite cultures. Once you know these tools and you know that they work, it's not good enough that I'm just doing ok."

But the self-sacrificing star admits that saving the world has its price.

"I wish the world was a different place. I'd like to go on vacation and romp and play and just do that. That's what I want it to be. There's times I'd like to do that, but I can't…You can sit here and wish it was different, and there's that moment where you go, 'You know, I have to do something, don't I? Yeah, I have to do it because I can't live with myself if I don't.' And that really is it…It's our responsibility to educate, create the new reality."

Cruise ends the cult cattle call recruitment video on a 'you're-either-with-me-or-you're-against-me' note, adding, "I think about those people out there who are depending on us. And it does make me feel like we got more work. We need more help. Get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena."

The clip first appeared on Radar magazine's site and YouTube, but has since been pulled down. But you can watch the full video below (at least, until Scientologists come to our homes and threaten our puppies). Praise Xenu!

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