These girls like it long and just a little obvious, so the fact that Sex and the City 2 is about half an hour too heavy, and features mono-dimensional jokes fastened to genital packaging, should come as no real surprise. It just gets frustrating, because once you realize an entire hour of screen time has lapsed and no real dilemma has been presented, you can't help but wonder just what writer-director Michael Patrick King has left to offer - or what the actual point of the movie may be, beyond box-office gain. Fortunately, the cast led by Sarah Jessica Parker finds enough personality to make the epic running time and diffused plot workable.
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall and Chris Noth
Rating: Three stars out of five
These girls like it long and just a little obvious, so the fact that Sex and the City 2 is about half an hour too heavy and features mono-dimensional jokes fastened to genital packaging should come as no real surprise.
It just gets frustrating, because once you realize an entire hour of screen time has lapsed and no real dilemma has been presented, you can't help but wonder just what writer-director Michael Patrick King has left to offer - or what the actual point of the movie may be, beyond box-office gain.
For fans of the franchise who were disappointed by the first film, this second take at a feature-film adaptation of the successful TV show represents a chance at redemption, and there's no doubt King was trying awfully hard.
In the opening act, we're treated to a gay wedding in Connecticut, complete with a Broadway chorus and a Liza Minnelli cameo.
Before you convulse with "Omigods!" however, remember that the most successful element of the show revolved around the idea of empowered women looking for partners worthy of their greatness - and getting laid.
Starting the show with a wedding, even a gay one between wedding planners, is placing Shakespearean comic convention on its ear. Weddings are supposed to happen at the end of a comedy to remind us the world is as it should be, and all's well that ends well.
A wedding at the top means the movie has to move in the opposite direction, towards disunion instead of union, and that's exactly what happens as our four gals come to grips with new realities.
For Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), the new rub is married life with Big (Chris Noth) -- which features a Manhattan love nest with top-of-the-line designer decor.
Married for two years now, the happy couple is beginning to discover the other side of domesticity, and it's ennui.
Big likes to watch TV in bed, and Carrie just isn't carried away by the ins and outs of matrimony. The same goes for Charlotte, who is now a mom with two screaming kids - and a guilty conscience about not being happier.
Even the perpetually uptight Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is wondering about her career options in the legal field when her boss ignores her, and the always horny Samantha begins to feel her sex drive lag when the effects of menopause set in - which prompts an identity crisis.
There's no shortage of estrogen-laden material, but the way King handles most of it feels like he's wearing latex gloves so he doesn't get covered in girl smell.
Instead of celebrating these women and their bodies, he celebrates these women through their relationships with men - and their genitals.
The handful of scenes that show the women really being together, and exchanging healthy, fun, constructive conversation as a means of mutual support are there, but they feel forced, from a writing perspective.
The cast sells each scene, even though the words aren't really on the page, because the women are able to infuse even the most shallow lines with an emotional heft that a female viewer will innately understand and recognize.
This is an important plus in a movie that runs on far too long, because it means by the time we get to Abu Dhabi in a completely useless plot twist designed to tap exotic locales, we can focus on the primary foursome and their friendships.
King manages to navigate sex and the Middle East, religion, female power in a male-dominated society and conservative values coming face-to-face with New York liberalism, without getting burned at the stake - or incurring an ethnic boycott - and for this, he deserves some credit.
He even manages to salvage the karaoke scene where the girls all sing "I Am Woman" without causing a complete gag reflex, proving he's not only trying to push femme power, he understands the biggest challenge for most women is personal expression: Women still lack a genuine voice in almost every society under the sun.
The reel itself is far too long for what it is, and as far as female empowerment goes, most women would find a lot more self-esteem after 22 minutes watching Oprah than 146 minutes of shoe-fetishism because, while a shoe will never love you, at least Oprah makes you believe she really cares.
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