The title of Debra DiGiovanni's solo show, Single, Awkward, Female, may sound like a dramatic plea for help. It is not. Rather, it is a frank and often hysterically funny assessment of DiGiovanni’s existence.

DiGiovanni takes self-deprecation to new levels in the show, which airs Saturday at 9 p.m. on the Comedy Network. A native of Lachine now living in Toronto, DiGiovanni is among this country’s premier stand-ups, as can attest anyone who has caught her act on the tube, at this city’s comedy clubs or at Just for Laughs last summer – when she upstaged Modern Family star and gala host Eric Stonestreet.

It is no accident that she has twice won the Canadian Comedy Award as Canada’s Best Female Comedian – most recently last year. And, as stated before, even if they removed the gender classification, many believe she just might be able to take the title of Canada’s Best Comedian.

But DiGiovanni is nothing if not gracious. She begins her concert by paying tribute to her audience – in her typically deadpan fashion: “Thank-you for giving me reason to get out of my pyjamas tonight.”

Then the rant begins. As the title suggests, DiGiovanni, 39, is single, though not necessarily awkward. She would describe herself as overweight, but don’t ever be calling her “plump,” because she won’t be “pleasant.” And “husky” is also a term she has trouble with, “because I won’t be pulling your sled.”

She reminisces about the old days when an “app” was short for an appetizer: “Those were better days. Now when I hear about a new Apple app, I’m hoping it has bacon.”

But DiGiovanni has decided that this is the year she’s going to get into shape: “I don’t think you’re just supposed to stand and sweat.”

On that note, she underwent a body-fat test at the urging of her doctor. “I got 50 per cent. That’s not good. That makes me cream.”

Her doctor tried to cheer her up by telling her to live like she’ll die tomorrow. “But that’s not good advice for a heavy girl,” DiGiovanni reflects. “Because if I’m going to die tomorrow, I’m going to eat KFC skins with icing.”

DiGiovanni has tried a slew of diets. Even the cabbage-soup one: “You may lose a lot of weight, but you also lose all your friends.” Now she’s hoping for another kind of solution – “like a parasite or a tapeworm.”

Nor has it lightened her load that she has a twin sister, who happens to be thin, married with children and in love with Jesus. “I love Jesus, too, but more sexually,” DiGiovanni cracks. “I love his sandals. Give him a skateboard, and he’s perfect.”

DiGiovanni describes herself as a “retro-sexual.” “I haven’t had sex in 20 years, but I like to do it to ‘80s music.”

She does note, though, that certain kinds of guys are attracted to her and other heavy-set women. “Weirdos think they have a chance with me,” she says. “They don’t. I might hate myself. But I hate them more.

“And what’s with chubby-chasers? That is so wrong. Plus, we don’t run . . . Besides, who needs a boyfriend when you have Nutella with a loaf of white bread and a box of wine? Now, that’s a weekend.”

DiGiovanni does offer some helpful counsel to all men in dealing with women: “If you want to make a woman really mad, tell her to relax. That will do it. I’ll flip over a table if someone tells me that.”

Got it. Debra, get as mad as you want.

Debra DiGiovanni: Single, Awkward, Female airs Saturday at 9 p.m. on the Comedy Network.

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