Get ready to feel bad about your life: TV Guide has revealed the results of their annual TV star salary survey. As expected, even vaguely famous stars could buy and sell your ass approximately 1,000 times without making the slightest dent in their bank accounts.
In news that surprises absolutely no one, Oprah Winfrey tops the list, although even we were flabbergasted at just how much dough the queen of daytime TV made last year: $385 million US. Even more impressive (and depressing) is that she beat American Idol's Simon Cowell, no. 2 on the list, by $335 million, while Late Show host David Letterman came in third (suck it, Leno!) with $32 million.
Charlie Sheen received $825,000 an episode for Two-and-a-Half Men, proof that you don't have to be funny or talented to be successful, while Law & Order: SVU's Mariska Hargitay is the highest-paid actress in a drama with $400,000 an episode, putting her on par with the voices behind The Simpsons. William Petersen gets $600,000 for every episode of CSI and although Kyra Sedgwick only stars on a cable series, she still gets $275,000 per episode of The Closer, meaning husband Kevin Bacon is only one degree away from a sweet sugar mama.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we have to go clip some coupons to get 30 cents off our next purchase of no-name brand toilet paper.
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